I remember 9/11/01 so vividly. It was my first year teaching in Duxbury, MA. One of my very first days as a fourth grade teacher at Alden School. I was at the far end of the front of the school on the second floor. Somewhat isolated from others, but it was kind of nice too. I had a class of 22 or so kids, I can remember so many of them, (okay all of them) so clearly. There was K.A.-a lively, vibrant student--one whom people had warned me about; he was known to topple desks, talk back and rebel in any way he could, he was the most amazing artist and deepest child, once you took the time to break his walls down. There was N.C.-a physically bigger kid, who had an immeasurable heart and such a quiet demeanor. There was: M.C., M.S., H.S., A.W., K.M. and E.M.-many of whom thought they were 15 or so rather than 10 or 11 years old. I remember them all. They were my first class there, but they also were THE CLASS. The class I watched personally lose their innocence.
It was a glorious Tuesday, the sky a picturesque blue, not a cloud at all. We were in class and the school guidance counselor came to talk with me in the hallway in the midst of a lesson. I was a mere 25 years old, fresh out of graduate school and immediately thought, I must have done something wrong. Mrs. D. informed me in the hall outside my classroom about the events that were taking place in NYC. I can remember where I was standing, where she was standing, I remember her telling me two planes had crashed into the World Trade Center, I remember thinking about all of my close family members and college friends-many of whom resided in NYC and NJ and worked in the World Trade Center towers. I remember being terrified. I remember my baby sister studying abroad in Italy, she had left from JFK airport just a few days before. I remember the reality that I had to be the adult and go back into the classroom and act as nothing different had happened.
When the day reached the point that our indescribably talented principal, Mrs. S., opted to have us read a scripted statement to our students, I remember the different atmosphere that instantly was created. Instead of sitting at their desks in chairs, I recall the kids sitting on their desks and us in a open circle format. I remember reading this short, yet so incredibly life altering paragraph to them and purposefully not looking up from the paper as I read to avoid catching a worried eye or tearful expression.
And then, it happened--which I should have known, but never was prepared for. The questions-the whys, the hows, the we need to know more more more! And I couldn't tell them more...We were told to just read the statement and let their parents fill in the blanks at home. One savvy student-the daughter of a fellow Alden teacher, asked me "Miss Ritt, planes crash all the time, no one ever tells us in school and they NEVER crash into the same place and not into a building? What's really going on?" I told her that was all I knew, though I really knew she was way too smart to accept that.
The following day, kids poured off the busses and in true child like fashion many asked me if I knew what had happened-as if I could have avoided it. For the night of 9/11, my former roommate and I watched CONSTANT coverage, ESPN, CNN, FOX, MTV, you name it. It was EVERYWHERE. I don't remember much following that on 9/12/01. I do remember a student telling me her mom told her "The Jews caused it." I remember how much that stung and how hard it was to not be personally hurt by this child/mother's words, but I also remember how we all were just looking for someone to blame, some answers.
The days afterward 9/11 were such a haze; I remember hearing about a few college friends narrowly escaping, running from the towers, missing subways or being home sick that day and counting their lucky lucky lucky stars. And then it happened...
I remember getting the phone call at my parents' house in Sharon, on a phone line we rarely answered, on Rosh Hashannah night. It was an old students' mother-her husband, their father-was missing. He worked in the towers and couldn't be located. She asked me to come over and talk with my former first grader and spend time with them. I remember the disbelief, the sadness, the feeling of necessity to be there and to fix what this now 8 year old and his 7 year old brother were feeling, let alone their amazing and now torn mother. And so we went. A family friend/ fellow teacher and I went to their home. I saw confusion, Lego towers built by the boys to match the twin towers and I will NEVER EVER forget D's one question, when I asked him if there was anything I could do... "Umm.. Yeah, could you tell me who did this to my dad and why?"
Now being a mother of two small daughters and wanting to protect them from everything; teasing, tripping, tears, terrorism, all of it... I realize I can't. I couldn't take away the 44 eyes looking at me for answers I never had or will have-why, why does someone feel such strong hatred towards us to do that? I couldn't answer a son's question of why someone would take a dedicated father from his two sons and adoring wife. I couldn't do it.
9/11/01 allowed me to retain such powerful memories of my students in that class. It allowed me to connect with my future students on a deeper level, and with people in general. It has allowed me the want to teach our children about being Americans and what that really means.
I am hopeful that tomorrow will not be just another ordinary day. So many lives were lost, changed and forever impacted. And I want to be able to take the time and reflect on the fond times when our innocence had not ended.
Remember when the days were long
And rolled beneath a deep blue sky
Didn't have a care in the world
With mommy and daddy standing by
When "happily ever after" fails
And we've been poisoned by these fairy tales
The lawyers dwell on small details
Since daddy had to fly
But I know a place where we can go
That's still untouched by man
We'll sit and watch the clouds roll by
And the tall grass wave in the wind
You can lay your head back on the ground
And let your hair fall all around me
Offer up your best defense
But this is the end
This is the end of the innocence
O' beautiful, for spacious skies
But now those skies are threatening
They're beating plowshares into swords
For this tired old man that we elected king
Armchair warriors often fail
And we've been poisoned by these fairy tales
The lawyers clean up all details
Since daddy had to lie
But I know a place where we can go
And was away this sin
We'll sit and watch the clouds roll by
And the tall grass wave in the wind
Just lay your head back on the ground
And let your hair spill all around me
Offer up your best defense
But this is the end
This is the end of the innocence
Who knows how long this will last
Now we've come so far, so fast
But, somewhere back there in the dust
That same small town in each of us
I need to remember this
So baby give me just one kiss
And let me take a long last look
Before we say good bye
Just lay your head back on the ground
And let your hair fall all around me
Offer up your best defense
But this is the end
This is the end of the innocence.
