A movie with a new ending-the one we never wanted.

We, well I, originally created this movie to announce to our family and friends that we were expecting our third child this December. Shockingly to us, as well as our doctors, things took an unexpected and extremely unfortunate turn this weekend. We had only told 4 people we were expecting a baby, not even Jenna and Maya, for fear that something like this could, but of course would NEVER happen. And then it did.

As I was laying on the bed in the emergency room on Sunday, in total shock, faced with the fact that we had lost the pregnancy so few even knew existed, I made a decision I never imagined I would. I told. I told family members, I told friends, I told Jenna's teacher, I told our Rabbis, I told. As incredibly upsetting as this all is, the one positive that I have found comforting is the love and support we have received from our incredibly caring community of friends and family. People have sent flowers, fruit, brought meals, called, emailed, texted-they've been there. My parents dropped everything from Sunday on so they could be here for us and for our girls. It is because of them, that Jenna and Maya know of virtually nothing that has happened except that "Mommy had a Ba-boom that had to be taken out by the doctor yesterday." They have done anything and everything for us, similar to what we did and would do for all of our children.

Yesterday, I had the surgery to "complete" the fetal demise as it was so eerily termed. While getting prepped, the nurse asked me what I did for work; my response was "I stay home with our two other children." I then rephrased that I stayed home with our two daughters. I think though, that that was and is how I felt. This pregnancy was our baby. We lost our baby.

Friends say that our lives will never be the same having lost a child, I hope in some way that to be true. I don't want to dwell on the sadness for too long, but do want to not forget the one we wanted so badly to add to our family and how incredibly heartbroken we are that it was not able to progress. We are currently looking for ways to honor our little one's memory for ourselves, our extended family and to be able to share with Jenna and Maya when they are older. Life has been SO incredibly good to us, as individuals, as a couple and later a family. We celebrate 5 years of marriage in a few weeks, the best years of my life. Having the duo of our perfect little ladies to heal for makes a world of difference and looking forward to continuing to build our family, in time, is an exceptionally strong incentive as well.